When Kevin Met Meg
by J-Dog 007
Summary: UPDATED! When Peter wins a fabulous Disney vacation on The Price is Right; They decide to leave Meg over at Joe's for the week while the Griffin's are in Flordia. Meg obviously miserable, but the return of Joe's shy son from Iraq could soon change that!
1. The Price is Peter

SEASON X

EPISODE - 01

"**WHEN KEVIN MET MEG**"

_(Main Theme)_

It seems today, that all you see, is violence in movies and sex on TV

But where are those good 'ol fashioned values

On which we used to rely…

Lucky there's a Family Guy

Lucky there's a man who, positively can do, all the things that make us

Laugh n' Cry

He's..A..Fam..ily..Guy!!…

**Chapter 1 – The Price is Peter**

**The Bob Barker Studio - Los Angeles**

The hoards of sweaty tourists where herded into the studio. At first, Peter Griffin had no idea where he was going as the ushers pushed the onslaught of people forward. Then, as the herd of people cleared he saw where he was. He knew it all from the vibrant colors to the distinctive music to even the sweat induced smell that occurs when you put two hundred people under white hot spot lights. Finally, realizing where he was, he blurted it out…

"Oh my... Lois, I can't believe you got me tickets to see _The Price is Right_!" Peter said with great excitement and enthusiasm.

"Happy Birthday Sweetie!" Lois politely remarked to her husband.

"But, but... how did you know?"

"Well Peter, you did give me a few hints."

_Flashback__---_

_**The Griffin's Kitchen**_

_At the Griffin house, Peter is reading the paper at the kitchen table and Lois is making some breakfast._

_Peter- "Hey Lois you know what I would like for my birthday this year?"_

"_Tickets to The Price is Right, that would be SWEET!"_

"_That or a pair of Angelina Jolie's used panties," at hearing this Lois frowns._

_---_

"I was not going to get you the second one," Lois said rather sternly. There was no way she was going to buy some skanks used underwear; even though she did like her in Tomb Raider.

"Oh, well that's okay, gives you an idea for next year honey." Lois was not amused.

**The Griffin's Living Room**

Meanwhile, back in Quahog, the Griffins and all their friends where getting ready to watch the show at the Griffin's house. Quagmire, Cleveland and Bonnie took the couch while, Joe had rolled his wheelchair beside his wife. Brian pulled up a chair beside Quagmire and Chris and Meg sat down in front of the couch. Finally, Stewie took a spot on the floor near Chris but with a good two foot safety barrier between him and Meg.

"Hey, are mom and dad on yet?" Chris asked.

"No… not yet Chris," Brian remarked with as little sarcasm as possible. It was still a good five minutes before _The Price is Right_ came on and Chris had been asking the same question for the past hour! The TV was currently tuned into _Montel_ who today's story was about, fat white women having affairs skinny black men.

"Uh… processed crap," Brian thought to himself before taking another sip of his Cosmopolitan.

"Hey, when's it going to start; I've got to go get going soon," Quagmire abruptly informed everyone.

Cleveland decided to ask first, "What's the rush Quagmire?"

"Hey everyone, I've got a very busy schedule today: First, I got to go see these two hot Latino chicks at the Quahog Inn at 1:00. Then, I got to see these three Korean chicks over by the highway 1 underpass at 3:30. Oh, and later I've got to go do this hooker over at…"

"ALL RIGHT ENOUGH YOU FLITHY PERV! SHUT IT! BEFORE I SHUT IT FOR YOU!!" Stewie snapped. He was in no mood to listen to their dirty old neighbor's daily sex escapades.

"Yeah Quagmire, not in front of the kids, save it for the later at the clam tonight," Joe remarked.

Suddenly, Bonnie remembered something. Stewie's little rant at Quagmire had refreshed her memory about something that Joe was prone to do and would most certainly pull if he got irritated enough…

"Joe," Bonnie said sternly "Where's your gun?"

Joe gave out an annoyed grunt. "Bonnie, don't bring that up now, here… of all places!" Joe muttered.

"Why does your wife want your gun, Mr. Swanson?" Chris asked inquisitively.

Joe was irritated but, since his wife had exposed this embarrassing problem, he might as well spill it…and so with a groan he let it out.

"I've got a little problem when it comes to watching…game shows."

_FlashBack__---_

_**The Swanson's Living Room**_

_Joe and Bonnie are watching "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" in their living room._

_Regis Philbin – "So, is B your final answer?"_

_Contestant – "Uh… Yes, B is my final answer."_

_Joe loses it, "NO YOU STUPID MORON! IT'S C! C!! C!!!"_

_He grabs his gun out of his holster and shoots the TV three times. The TV shorts out and blows up._

_Even though the TV's screen is destroyed the audio still works, sort of…_

_Regis Philbin – (staticy) "And the correct answer is B!"_

_Speakers die._

_Bonnie gives Joe a very annoyed look while the TV box smokes and sparks._

_---_

"Sheesh, Joe you really need to get control of that temper of yours**," **Cleveland said with a very stern almost father like tone to his voice.

"HEY! I DO NOT HAVE A TEMPER!" Joe bellowed at the top of his lungs.

Everyone gave Joe a rather shocked look while Bonnie gave him, (The Look) which lasted a couple of seconds, until he finally gave in to his wives demands.

"Here," He said, with a low grumble as he pulled his gun out of its holster and put in Bonnie's hand.

"Um… Would you mind keeping the volume down…Anger Management! You know, there are others trying to watch the show here!" Stewie spat out.

"Yeah quiet already, it's starting," Meg remarked.

"Um, who gave you permission to talk Meg?" Stewie calmly replied.

And with that insult… the show started and everyone was glued to the screen trying to find Peter and Lois in the audience; sure enough, Chris found them first.

"Hey there's mom and dad. Hi Mom! Hi Dad!" Chris yelled at the TV expecting to hear his parents answer his shout out. After ten seconds and not hearing from them, Chris figured something was wrong…

"WHY, WON'T THEY ANSWER ME?"

**Los Angeles**

Peter and Lois had been in the audience for the first five pricing games and Peter was getting somewhat agitated now.

"Man Lois, when am I going to get to go up on stage?" he said with a great deal of spite in his voice.

"I'm sorry Peter but the chances of being chosen are very slim," Lois politely remarked.

"What!? Ah, this sucks… And there's only one more slot in contestants row."

Just then, Drew Carey asked Rich Fields, who was the next contestant? Rich replied, "Well its Peter Griffin, Come on Down! You're the next contestant on _The Price is Right!_"

Lois was absolutely astonished, "Oh My God! Peter, they picked you!"

"No Lois, they picked some guy named Peter Griffin, lucky bastard."

"No, Peter that's you!" Lois reprimanded.

"What!? Holy Crap! This is more exciting than that time I did those TV infomercials."

_Flashback---_

**TV Studio**

_Peter is doing an infomercial for Oxy Gone (A parody of Oxy Clean)_

_Peter – "LOOK! LOOK! THE STAIN IS VANISHING! IT'S VANISHING! IT'S VANISHING! IT'S VANISHING! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE! _

_WITH NEW OXY GONE THAT'S HOW! "_

"_And only worth two payments of 19.95_

_CALL NOW!!!!!!..."_

_Peter falls over and faints due to yelling so much._

_---_

Everyone was truly astounded, never in their wildest dreams did they think they would choose Peter, but they did and he was now on his way to contestant's row. Peter's friends an family where beyond excited; even Stewie was somewhat happy that they had decided to choose Peter.

**Quahog**

"I….can't...believe...it...They chose the fat man, they chose the FAT MAN!"

"YEAH, ALL RIGHT PETER!" Joe hollered with great excitement!

Cleveland was astonished, "That is truly amazing. I remember once, Loretta told me how the chances of being called to come on down where, practically zero." "That depressed me…but I do remember, at the time, she was menstruating, and that could have caused Loretta to say things that she didn't really mean."

"Oh Lovely," Stewie remarked, "Cleveland, like I really want to hear about your ex-wives bodily problems...CAN IT!" he spit out.

Stewie's little verbal missile at Cleveland had shut everyone up. However, a few moments later, Brian decided to break the vow of silence.

"Guys, I don't think Peter has a chance of getting out of contestants row?" Brian said.

Joe was about to say something but Bonnie cut him off, "Come on don't say that."

"Yeah, there's a chance Peter could pull this off?" Joe added, yet with a great deal of uncertainty in his voice.

"Hey, Brian don't be so negative," Quagmire replied.

"I'm not being negative. I'm just stating the facts."

"For once, I agree with Fido," Stewie said.

**Los Angeles**

After a short intro of telling is name and where he's from; the beauties brought to the next item up for bids. A music cue known as _Rye Bred _played as a cabinet was brought out on stage. The audience awed and clapped as Rich Fields read out the description for the prize.

"It's a new…entertainment cabinet!...From Broyhill this elegant cabinet is crafted of mahogany, has plenty of storage for stereo and television equipment; a fine addition to any living room. Style and elegance from Broyhill."

After the beauties took the prize back behind the doors, Drew asked the contestants their bids, starting with Travis, who had the red podium.

"OK...Travis what do you bid?" Drew asked.

"Umm…675."

After Travis bid, Drew moved on to Sue, who had the green podium.

"Okay…1200."

Then, on to John, who occupied the blue podium.

"1100 Drew."

Finally, Drew came to Peter, who had the yellow podium and asked him for his bid. Unfortunately, he had been far too preoccupied ogling this one beauty, which had a particularly massive rack! After a few moments of no response Drew asked for his bid.

"Um…Peter."

"Ohh...uh…what?"

"We need your bid Peter."

"Oh…let me think uhhhhhhhh…"

Now, Drew Carey had heard from Bob about the occasional dumb contestant but little did he know this incident would make _Price is Right_ history when it comes to absolute stupidity.

"We need your bid," Drew calmly asked, again.

"Wait! Wait! Wait…I'm thinking…uhhhhhhhhh…"

Peter was beginning to annoy the entire audience now and back in Quahog, the same was happening as well.

**Quahog**

"DAMN IT! just bid already Peter!" Joe hollered.

"I wonder how long this is going to go on for?" Stewie thought to himself as he watched the fat man make a complete fool of himself.

**Los Angeles**

Peter's incompetence had now succeeded to annoy the entire audience which was now jeering and blasting insults; as we had been uhhhing for over a minute now. Finally, Peter made his bid.

"uhhhhhhh...33,000 Bob."

And with that, the (_overbid buzzer)_ went off and the whole audience began to laugh and jeer.

**Quahog**

"Oh! for the LOVE OF!!" Joe bellowed.

"Nice one fat man," Stewie sarcastically remarked.

**Los Angeles**

Now Drew was beginning to get annoyed. This idiot was taking way too long and if he didn't hurry up they would have to extend the show into the afternoon news broadcasts which would get them in big trouble with CBS.

"Um Peter, you got to bid _lower_ than that." Drew commented trying as hard as humanly possible to keep the sarcasm out of his voice.

"Oh ok Bob…uhhhhhhh…-33,01."

This had never happened in the shows thirty-six year history. Someone had never been so stupid that they bid in the negatives! This got the sound director all messed up and he accidentally played the (_losing horn_). For all who where watching, it seemed highly appropriate.

**Quahog**

At the Griffins, the atmosphere of joy and excitement that had once filled the room had been replaced with one of pure disgust! Joe was about to lose it! Stewie was beyond irritated! Meg was absolutely mortified and even Chris seemed to not be happy with his dad's embarrassing performance.

"Uhhh! Bonnie give me my gun…PLEASE give my gun! I'm gonna put that TV out of it's misery!" Joe said in an angry, yet almost pleading tone.

"No." she said very sternly.

Stewie was just as disgusted, "The fat mans really ranking up some mileage on this one now isn't he?"

Brian wasn't even listening. He was too busy zoning it all out, with the help of his cocktail.

"uhhh…God why me?" Meg said in a disgusted tone.

**Los Angeles**

"Is this guy retarded?" Drew Carey thought to himself as the jeering got louder and louder. However, he wouldn't have been too shocked to find out he actually was.

Drew scolded Peter in a strong tone. "Peter you need to bid ABOVE 0!"

"Oh, then why didn't you say so Bob."

"OK…lets see uhhhhhhh…"

**Quahog**

Joe's temper had cooled down. Fortunately, now all he could let out was a low groan, even Stewie was now without words.

"Ohhh…not again!" Bonnie hollered, for her nerves where now just as shot has her husbands. The only words after that was the low groaning of the Griffins and their friends a they tried to endure another of Peter's moronic escapades; Cleveland broke the silence.

"Oh…This is just getting plain ridiculous." he said.

**Los Angeles**

Now, it was serious, the audience was not just irritated? They...where...MAD! This affair had gone on now for over five minutes now. For Lois, is whole thing was just humiliating even though she kind of knew Peter was going to pull something like this if he was called up. However, it had gone on now for way too long! She had to end it…now…

"PETER, BID 900!" She hollered at the top of her lungs.

Almost instantaneously Peter quit uuhhing, "Uh I'll bid 900."

"It was over at last," Drew thought. "Finally!...Okay 900."

"And…the actual retail price is...oh no...Oh No! God!! ...uhhh…902 Peter you win."

"YAY!!!" Peter blurted out before running up on stage beside a psychologically exhausted Drew Carey.

"Well, Peter you finally made it up here," Drew said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster up.

"Yeah, I know…Hey…wait a minute, you're not Bob Barker!" Peter scolded.

"Don't remind me."

"Ok, what do we got for Peter?" Drew called out to Rich Fields.

"Well, How about a fabulous trip to Walt Disney World!"

At hearing this, the audience went wild and a music cue by the name of _Grandeur_ played; the memory of this particular contestant's triumph in stupidity now only a distant memory.

"You and your family will fly to roundtrip to Orlando, Florida to stay seven nights at the fabulous Grand Floridian Resort; minutes from the Magic Kingdom and all other exclusive attractions including: tickets all four Disney theme parks!" "A fabulous prize package worth 8750 dollars!"

Now, Peter had been to Disney world before. He had taken Stewie there about a year ago. It was only for a day and they slept in the car in order to avoid paying for hotels during their trip, much to Stewie's dismay, who nearly suffocated from Peter's constant sleep flatulence. He had never even stayed at a Disney resort, which Brian told where absurdly over priced. Now, he might have the chance to stay at a resort for free! Freakin Sweet! Peter and Drew walked over to the turntable, which was rotating to reveal the pricing game…It was the Grocery Game…

Of all things they had given Peter one of the hardest pricing games they had! In Quahog, this came as a shock. Oddly, almost everyone was happy and excited again; the memory of one of Peter's dumbest stunts now in the distance. Only Stewie was still grumpy, as always, waiting for the fat man to pull his next moronic move.

**Quahog**

"Yikes! The Grocery Game, boy that is a hard one!" Bonnie commented.

"Really?" Joe asked inquisitively.

"Yeah, it's very tricky you have to choose quantities of different products in order to come to a total that is in the range of $20.00 to $21.00," Bonnie explained to her husband. Being a stay at home mom like Lois, she had time to watch price and knew the games inside and out.

"Prego, are you saying that the fat one will have to do math?" Stewie asked in shock. "Oh wait, you had the baby didn't you? My bad…" "Hmm… Yes… I wondered why you didn't look like a bloated fat hippo anymore."

"Well he's finished," Brian commented. "I haven't seen Peter do any kind of math since he was trying to order at Taco Bell."

_Flashback__---_

_**Quahog Taco Bell**_

_Peter and Brian are at the Taco Bell and Peter is trying to order._

_Peter – "Okay…I'll have five soft tacos, four nacho cheese chalupas, three Mexican pizzas, six gorditas…um, hey Brian you want anything?"_

_Brian – "not for me Peter."_

_Peter – "Okay, oh… and grande quesadeas."_

_Taco Bell cashier – "How many quesadeas sir?"_

_Peter – "Grande."_

_Taco Bell cashier – (Annoyed) "That's not a number sir."_

_Peter – (scoff) "Oh yes it is, Brian, isn't grande a number?"_

_Brian – "Um no Peter, grande is not a number."_

_Peter – "Yes, but I thought…wait…(quietly to himself) okay, five…(indistinguiBshable)…three…(indistinguishable)…six equals…grande._

_Peter – (To Taco Bell cashier) "Yes, it equals grande, see grande is too a number."_

_Taco Bell cashier – (Annoyed) "Listen to the dog, grande is not a number."_

_Peter – (Annoyed) "Yes it is what's five over negative six."_

_Taco Bell cashier – "What? I can't answer that?"_

_Peter – "Grande, got anything to say kid."_

_(Taco Bell cashier gives Peter annoyed look…)_

_Peter – (To Taco Bell cashier) "See I told you, five plus four minus three divided by taco equals, grande!"… "I'm smart you're not."_

_Taco Bell cashier – … "Are you a DUMB ASS?"_

_Peter – (gasp) "I request my meal free now."_

_---_

"Uh oh…" Peter thought to himself. He hasn't gone grocery shopping in years, unless it was to restock on Pawtucket Patriots. Little did everyone know Peter was actually trying to stay focused as Rich read out the description of the five grocery items while the music cue _second thoughts_ played. They where: a can of Slim Fast, a Box of Cheese-It's, Hefty Garbage Bags, a bottle of Pert-Plus shampoo and a liter of Coca-Cola.

"Aw, crap! I'm screwed," he worried. Lois did all the shopping he didn't know first thing about the prices for these products; I mean really, he had never even touched a Slim Fast except that time he asked Cleveland for one from Loretta's stash so he could pull a joke on Lois for April Fool's Day.

"Alright, Peter which product do you want to start with and DON'T take forever," Drew scolded.

Peter, aware of the insult, decided to make a random choice. "Well, if you're going to be that way Bob, I guess I'll go with the Cheez-It's.

"OK how many?"

"Uh one I guess."

"Ok, Cheez-It's are…$3.45 each for a total of…$3.45."

"Sweet! This game is easy, all I have to do is pick products and then choose random quantities of them; that trip is in the bag," Peter smugly thought to himself.

"All right Bob, I think I'll go next with the Slim Fasts."

Now Peter calling him Bob was starting to get on Drew's nerves but he didn't have any time to deal with that now. He need to rush and get back on schedule time wise for Peter's little fiasco at contestants row had put them back by six minutes…

"How many?..."

"Uh…give me forty-four Slim Fasts."

At hearing this, the audience went nuts and started booing and jeering…again and in Quahog, friends and family where…again irritated with Peter.

**Quahog**

"WHAT!!" Joe bellowed, once again, rattling the Griffin's china cabinet.

"I wondered when the fat man was going to screw up again," Stewie grumbled.

**Los Angeles**

Now the audience was booing and jeering pretty loudly, with the occasional insult a Peter's weight coming from various audience members. Amazingly, instead of retaliating, Peter decided to take people's advice for once…

"Wait, I think I'll change that to ten Slim Fasts."

"Hey, they're may be some hope for this guy after all," Drew thought.

"Ok…ten Slim Fasts…$1.63 each, subtotal…$16.30 plus the total…oohhh…$19.75, ouch!"

It was frequent for someone to get a bad total like this during this game. Unfortunately, winning was next to impossible!

"What happened?" Peter asked.

"Well Peter, you are dangerously close to going over," Drew replied.

"Aw crap."

"So, Peter what is your next choice?..."

**Quahog**

You couldn't use a knife to cut the tension currently in the Griffin's living room. Everybody kind of new the only choice was the bottle of coke. Nobody said a word as they eyed the TV, waiting for Peter's choice and hoping it wasn't a stupid one…

"Come on, Peter choose the Coke," Cleveland thought to himself.

"Peter if you don't choose that Coco-Cola, I SWEAR…" Joe thought to himself in a state of high aggravation."

"Dad it's the Coke," Chris thought hoping his dad won.

"Fat Ass choose the coke already," Meg thought wondering if her moron father would pull it off.

"Peter, CHOOSE THE COKE!" Bonnie thought to herself trying to control her ever increasing irritation.

"Fat man, you better choose that bloody cola!" Stewie thought to himself. He wondered if he should put a bet up with the dog to see if the fat man won or more likely…not!

Now Quagmire had been pretty quiet for most of the show; spending most of the time ogling all the beauties as they on stage but now as Peter came up on stage and played his pricing game he got focused on the game. His eyes wandering every now and then to the beauty that was behind the register; fantasizing her wet and topless, heh…heh…all right! Now has the game was coming to a close, he saw how close Peter was close to winning. Then, something odd happened? His usually calm temper rose at absurd rate before, blowing at a decibel level that could only be compared to Joe's fury after Peter had crashed that modified airship into his house.

"DAMN IT!! PETER!! JUST CHOOSE THE (BLEEP) ALREADY!!"

Quagmire's profound outburst shocked everyone. For the guys, they hadn't seen Quagmire lose it since that time they went golfing.

**Los Angeles**

Peter was officially stressed out; he had no idea which product to choose?

Peter thought very deeply to himself, "Aw Crap, should choose the trash bags or the cokes or the shampoo?" "No wait…trash bags…no the coke…no the shampoo?" "Ahhh, Aw crap, this is more stressful then the time it had to give that sponge bath to Bea Arthur."

_Flashback__---_

_**Bea Arthur's Bathroom**_

_Peter is at Bea Arthur's mansion and Arthur's is in the tub naked, covered by the bubbles._

_Bea Arthur – "Peter, clean my toes!"_

_(Peter rushes to clean her toes with a toe cleaning brush.)_

_Bea Arthur – "and more bubble bath!"_

_(Peter pours some bubble bath into the tub.)_

_Bea Arthur – "get my loofah!"_

_(Peter rushes over to the sink and grabs the loofah.)_

_Bea Arthur – "NO! I want the red loofah!"_

_(Peter rushes back to the sink and grabs the red loofah.)_

_Bea Arthur – "NO! I want the blue loofah!!"_

_(Peter rushes back to the sink and grabs the blue loofah.)_

_Bea Arthur – "Get me a towel! I'm getting wrinkly!!"_

_(Peter rushes to get a towel from the towel rack.)_

_Bea Arthur – "Get me my ducky!!"_

_(Peter rushes over to the sink and grabs the rubber duck then rushes back to the tub.)_

_Bea Arthur – "NO!! GET ME QUACKERS!"_

_(Peter runs back to the sink and grabs quackers the rubber duck then runs back to the tub; Peter is exhausted and stressed out!)_

_Bea Arthur – "Now Peter!!...Clean!!...Down!!...There!!"_

_(Peter gives an absolutely mortified expression…)_

_---_

All of a sudden, the gears in his brain bean running at full speed, as Peter became deep in thought.

"Wait…that coke is two liters. I usually pay $3.25 for Pawtucket Pat over at the clam, so if I divide that by three that gives me a price of $1.25 each which seems reasonable." "Oh, I just remembered, I need to repay Cleveland that $10.00 for the beers that week…"

When things associated with booze, Peter's brain worked at full capacity!

Then, after a few moments of thought, Peter made his decision…

"I'm going to go with the coke."

At hearing this, the audience went absolutely wild!

"Ok how many?" Drew asked.

"Um...two, no one," Fortunately, Peter had changed before the audience had time to react to Peter's final goof.

Even Drew as somewhat excited as turned over the price card for the coke.

"The coke is…$1.25 for a total of…$21.00 exactly, Peter, you are a winner!

_The Price is Right theme_ played, the audience was going wild and Peter was dancing and jumping around.

**Quahog**

They're was a celebration going on! Chris and Meg where jumping up and down and shouting, "Were going to Disney World! Were going to Disney World!"

Brain gave a chuckle of satisfaction, "Heh, heh…well done Peter."

Quagmire, Cleveland, Joe and Bonnie congratulated the kids, while Stewie still sat on the floor in state of absolute shock.

"I…I…don't…believe…it…the fat man won." Then like he just reached an epiphany, he blurted it out.

"THE FAT MAN WON!! Oh my God I don't believe it, WERE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!!"

Stewie then joined Meg and Chris in their revelry, "Were going to Disney World! Were going to Disney World!"

"Oh my…I've got to start packing! Meg said.

"Me too," Chris yelled out.

"Me three," Stewie added.

"Hold it kids, the shows not over with besides your dad could possibly win even more if he makes it to the showcases."

The kids all sat back down where they were sitting, as everyone waited through the usual commercials. Wilford Brimley was, again, blathering about how is Diabetes gives him urination and defecation problems.

**Los Angeles**

At the showcase showdown, Peter was to go last when it came to spinning the big wheel but it didn't matter he had won the his prize and he didn't neglect to gloat about it.

In fact, while Peter and the other two contestants sat and waited for them to set up the big wheel during the commercial break. Peter had spent the time boasting about his trip and irritating the other two contestants, both of which, had lost their pricing games; one had even lost a new 2009 Chevrolet Corvette!

Once the wheel was set up and the camera rolling again the showcase showdown started.

"Ok Jennifer, spin the wheel," Drew quoted.

The petite young woman had some strength on her and made the wheel rotate twice before landing on .35¢. Obviously, she spun again where it landed on .45¢ for a total of .80¢, a pretty good score.

Next, Randy spun the wheel. He gave that wheel a good hard spin, rotating around four times before it started to slow down. The audience got excited as it neared the 1.00. going past .70¢ ,.25¢ ,.90¢...05¢. The wheel slowly went through .05¢ before finally, coming to land on the $1.00! The audience went wild and _Dig we must _played as Randy jumped up and down in pure exhilaration!

Jennifer gave Randy a congratulatory clap as she walked off stage and Randy took her spot under the digital marquee, awaiting his possible bonus spin.

"OK Peter, spin that wheel."

Now, Peter was very obese but he had some power on him; he gave that old wheel a spin that would take four revolutions before slowing down. Slowly, the wheel came to a stop on .10¢. On his second spin, he had lost some of his momentum for the wheel only made it around two times. Before sadly landing on .95¢, Peter was over by a nickel…

"Oh, Sorry Peter well thank you for being on our show," Drew quoted.

For most contestants this was the end of their journey on the _Price is Right_, but for Peter Griffin, this wasn't, for he had forgot the rules of the showcase showdown and was now about to pull the dumbest!,the stupidest!, most retarded move! in _Price is Right_ history!, in fact, possibly game show history!

"Whoa Whoa…wh-what to you mean, I'm not leaving I beat that guy he only got $1.00?" Peter stated.

"Oh no! not again!" Drew thought to himself, "Peter, you are over my .05¢ I need you to leave the stage."

"B…b…ut I won!" Peter stammered

"No, you did NOT!" Drew said in a very annoyed tone.

"I got more than he did!"

"If you go over 1.00…YOU…LOSE!" "Now get your FAT ASS! off the stage!"

Even the audience was yelling at Peter to leave already; in an ever increasing volume rate, while back in Quahog, tempers where flaring as Peter's final idiotic move had now got everyone very mad!

**Quahog**

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING PETER!! GET…OF…THE…STAGE!!" Joe yelled at the very top of his voice!!

However, Joe's high volume yelling wasn't the only going on as Stewie, Brian, Quagmire, Cleveland, Bonnie, Meg and even Chris shouted, pushing the decibel level in the Griffin house to the max!

"GET OFF THE STAGE!! FAT MAN!!" Stewie yelled in absolute fury.

"PETER KNOCK IT OFF AND GET OF THE STAGE!!" Brian shouted, nearly spilling is drink on the carpet.

"GET OFF THE STAGE!!" Quagmire shouted repeatedly.

Even Cleveland was straining is low volume vocal cords, "YOU STUPID SON OF A… PETER, GET OFF THE STAGE!!" he yelled.

Bonnie's disgust equaled that of her husbands, "GET…OFF…THE…STAGE…NOW!!" she shouted.

"FAT ASS GET OFF THE STAGE!!" Meg yelled in disgust.

"DAD YOU LOST GET OFF STAGE!!" even Chris knew his dad was pulling an idiotic stunt.

**Los Angeles**

"This guy is an idiot!" Drew thought to himself, "First, he delays the bidding, now he does this?"

"Enough! Peter you are over and I need you to leave the stage…NOW!! Drew demanded.

"Ok, So I'm over…by how much?" Peter asked.

"I already told you, by a NICKEL!"

"So…umm…uh…suppose I pay you back that nickel would I not be over then?"

"It's does not work that way!" Drew said with a groan.

"Really, how about the give you a like something for your troubles," Peter opens his wallet and pulls out a nickel and a five dollar bill he then gently places the cash in Drew's now quivering hand.

"This moron is bribing me?"…"HE'S BRIBING ME!" Drew thought to himself. "This guy got to be the stupidest person on the face of the planet!" Finally Drew nerves snapped.

"AHHHH!!" He shouted as he threw the cash on the floor. "TO ARE THE STUPIDEST! DUMBEST! MOST IDIOTIC! PERSON EVER TO BE ON THIS SHOW!!" He bellowed.

"Uh…so can I now be in the showcase?"

Drew knew what he had to do; he hated doing it but he had no other choice, this moron had to pay for ruining his show!

"Peter, you leave me with no other option… "RELEASE MIMI!" He shouted to the stage director.

The big door in the middle slowly opened up to reveal a true horror…Mimi, from the _Drew Carey Show_ dressed in her usual ungainly attire. She was massive and she was mad!! She glared at Peter before uttering the infamous words…

"Hello there you fat pig, welcome to Mimisoft…DOWNLOAD THIS!!"

And with that she charged Peter with full force.

"AHHHHHHH!!"

Peter screamed, "AAAHHHHH!!!!"

WHAM!!! POW!!! BAM!!!

Mini went to town on Peter and commenced giving him a super massive a$$ kicking!

**Quahog**

Everyone was dumbfounded was they watched Mini viciously assault Peter. No one said a word. Peter had made a fool of himself and gotten on everyone's nerves but he didn't deserve this. This… this was plain scary. Disturbing sounds came from the TV…

"SQUEAL! PIG! SQUEAL!!!"

"AAAHHHH MOMMY!!!!"

"FEAR MIMI!!!"

"AHHHHH!!!!"

Cleveland broke the horrified silence, "oh…this is some scary s$%t," he said.

**Los Angeles**

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity; the battle stopped, Peter lay on the floor all black, blue and beat up. Drew walked over to Mimi.

"Yes, thank you Mimi."

"You owe me for this Pig," Mimi snapped at Drew.

Peter was hauled away on a stretcher off the stage the audience cheered as the show would now go on…without idiotic interruption…

As he was hauled into the awaiting ambulance _Dig we must _played again; Randy had got the $1.00 again and had won $10,000!

The cheers of the audience muffled the sirens as the ambulance sped off, with its overweight patient, toward the nearest hospital which was in Beverly Hills.

Lois decided to stay in the audience and watch the rest for the show, before going to see Peter at the hospital with his embarrassing…but well deserved injury.

_End of Chap 1_


	2. In Embarrassing Condition

**Chapter 2 – In Embarrassing Condition**

**Cedar-Sinai Medical Center – Beverly Hills**

"Yes, I'm here to see my husband," Lois politely asked the receptionist at the main deck of Cedar-Sinai Medical Center."

"Ok, name please and name of the patient," She replied.

"Lois Griffin - patient name - Peter Griffin."

"Griffin, griffin, griffin…Oh wait, you're the spouse of that fat moron who got his ass kicked down at Television City?"

At hearing this, Lois was slightly embarrassed.

"Um heh, yes that would be me…"

"Ok, right this way Mrs. Griffin," the receptionist said, giving a few short snickers before regaining her composure.

What an ordeal Lois had just gone through after she had decided to finish watching the show. A contestant by the name of Jeremiah won over 87,000 in prizes at the showcases.

After the cameras had stopped rolling, an usher had come and asked her if she was Peter's wife? She obviously responded. Lois then had to talk to the Price's producer for over two hours clearing up the disaster that had happened on their show, thanks to her husband…

**CBS Television City Directors Office – Los Angeles**

"Mrs. Griffin, now I truly understand your husband is officially retarded… but that does not excuse is inappropriate behavior."

"Releasing Mrs. Bobeck is a tactic of last resort; one which we thought we would never have to use."

"Yes, I am sorry for Peter's actions."

"However, since we are America's most popular daytime show we have plenty of money to throw around and to bribe the CBS chairmen with."

"We will give still you your prizes.

"Um…Ok, Thanks."

After hearing this, Lois thought to herself. "Boy this is stranger than that time Peter was naming his farts."

_Flashback_---

**The Griffin's Bedroom**

_Peter and Lois are at home in bed and Peter is ripping farts with various lengths._

_Fart!_

_Peter – "Heh heh heh heh heh heh, That one's… Mr. Stinky."_

_Fart!! _

_Peter – "Ahh… That one's name is Jonathan Q. Longfellow…""_

_Fart!!_

_Peter - "That's ones name is Hilary Lardbutt, heh heh heh heh heh heh…"_

_Lois looks annoyed with Peter._

_Fart!!_

_Peter – "That's…" (Lois interrupts)_

_Lois – "Peter! Stop It! For God's sake! You're stinking up the whole bedroom!"_

_Peter glares at Lois for about five full seconds..._

_FART!!____(A full four seconds.)_

_Peter – "And that ONE'S name is…Loooiii. (Lois glares at Peter.) …er…Carter._

_---_

After filling out the paperwork for their prizes, Lois took a cab from Television City to Cedar Sinai Medical Center; getting ready to tear into Peter for his little stunt on _The Price is Right. _As she walked down the hospital corridor she could hear snickering coming from various hospital staff as well as patients. When Lois finally made it to Peter's room she was greeted by four other patients, who started laughing the moment Lois walked into the room.

**Peter's Hospital Room**

"Uhh, hi there Lois." Peter greeted a timid tone.

"So, you're this FAT FOOLS WIFE?" A large guy in a leg and arm cast commented before once again laughing up a storm.

"Nobody was talking to you Chuck!" Peter snapped.

"You know you do deserve this Peter, I mean really…bribing Drew Carey!"

All four patients in the room started laughing…again, at hearing Lois's outburst.

"All right, will you guy just, Shut it!" Peter snapped again.

"Anyhow Peter, your cleared to leave as soon as we talk to the doctor; I believe we can still make the 11:00 flight to Boston, tomorrow."

"Oh yeah right Lois, like I'm in a real rush get back to Quahog! man I'm not ever gonna hear the end of it from the guys," Peter spit out.

"You heard anything from them?"

"No, but I plan to call Bonnie later tonight and tell her what happened."

"Oh…no… NO! NO! NO! Lois if you call Bonnie, Joe will hear about the incident, and I'll have to listen to him mock me."

"Oh Peter, Joe's one of your best friends, he won't mock you...too much."

"Lois you don't know the first thing about guy protocol; when someone screws up you heckle them for weeks, like that time Quagmire had problems…"

_Flashback_---

**The Drunken Clam**

_Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland and Joe are at the Drunken Clam having a few beers and Quagmire is unhappy about something._

_Peter – "So uh…Quagmire you been feeling kind of...down?"_

_The guys snicker…_

_Cleveland – "Yeah Quagmire, having a hard time keeping things… up?"_

_The guys snicker again even more. Quagmire is starting to get annoyed._

_Joe – "Yeah, things been not to…hard…for…you."_

_The guys start laughing uncontrollably! Quagmire losses it!_

_Quagmire – "OH THAT'S IT!! IT'S BEEN OVER SIX MONTHS NOW AND IT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE!! DAMN IT! GUYS! CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE THINGS IN THE PAST?!"_

_Quagmire storms off! Flipping the table over and sending the guys beers all over the floor as he does._

_Slience…_

_Joe – (Scoffs) "I've put up with it for over fifteen years now and you don't see me acting like…that?"_

_Cleveland – "pansy…"_

_---_

**Peter's Hospital Room**

"That's just stupid, Peter, do you even know that the word protocol means?" Lois remarked.

"Uhhh…that's… that's not the point Lois; the point is…"

As Peter was about to reprimand Lois, Peter's doctor walked in.

"Good afternoon Mr. and Mrs. Griffin… I'm doctor Johnson."

"Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh…Johnson."

"Peter!" Lois scolded."

Dr. Johnson was annoyed by the pun but continued talking.

"Now…Mr. Griffin sustained some pretty intense injury's from Mrs. Bobeck, particularly, to his reproductive organs. Heck, we had a hard time finding his balls they where so far shoved up his ass…

"Call we please skip this, I really don't wanna her about this, Peter Interrupted.

Dr. Johnson continued, anyhow we where able to pull his balls out of his butt, where sure you will still be able to have sexual intercourse.

"OH THANK GOD!" Lois yelled in relief …"Sorry I was extremely worried about that."

"Anyhow, you should be able to have sex in about eight weeks."

"Eight weeks?!" Peter exclaimed.

"Also, you we will need to keep your bandages on through out that eight week period, your local doctor back home will then take them off after the duration of time has passed."

"Wait, I've got to continue wearing these diaper bandages for eight freakin weeks?"

"Aw crap! now I'm truly never gonna hear the end of this from the guys. They'll drag this on forever like the endless seasons of _American Idol._

_Flashback_---

**American Idol Tryout's**

_American Idol judges: Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell are listening to a contestant sing "Sexyback" by Justin Timberlake…very badly! There's a large banner behind the podium that says American Idol season 30 tryouts._

_Contestant finishes._

_Contestant – So what do you think?_

_Randy Jackson – "Dog, I stopped caring like ten seasons ago."_

_Paula is drowsy._

_Paula Abdul – "Uh…what, oh yeah… (yawns)… that wasn't too good."_

_Simon Cowell – "You know, I think I'm gonna commit suicide tonight to finally end my bloody contract with this show."_

_---_

"Now Mrs. Griffin if you will come with me, please; we need to teach you how to change an adult diaper." Dr. Johnson asked.

At hearing this Peter is horrified...

**The Farmers Daughters Hotel – Los Angeles**

Peter and Lois are staying at the Farmers Daughters hotel directly beside CBS Televison City studios the sign outside says, _TPIR Fanatics only._

After Peter was released from the hospital, they went immediately back to their hotel. When they arrived they where greeted by a group of angry _Price is Right_ fans, who booed and heckled them all the way to their room. One fan wearing a BOB WAS GOD!! shirt with Bob Barker's head surrounded by the ethereal glow was even throwing rocks at them, hitting Lois and Peter many times. By the time they made it to their room they where pretty beat up!

Their room was just as colorful as the shows sets; with pastel colors everywhere, stars, Mark-Goodson asterisks and TPIR symbols on everything, even the toilet paper!

"I'm injured you bastards!" Peter shouted out his room door, which was now pelted with dents from that one guy throwing rocks. One rock smacked Peter right in the groin.

"AAHH!! OW!!"

After complaining for about five minutes about his new injury, Peter closed the door, laid on the bed and turned on the TV turning it to the local news. A local drug heist in Inglewood had killed 300 gang members, injured or killed around 50 cops; typical Los Angeles area news…

"I'm gonna call Bonnie now." Lois said.

"Aw Man, Lois."

"Peter I need to tell Bonnie when we can estimate well be back."

"Joe, better not be listening in I swear..." Peter exclaimed.

"Not worry, if you're so worried about that, I'll just find out if he's at home or not."

"Ohh...OK," Peter replied with some resent in his voice.

**The Swanson's**

Back in Quahog, it was about 9:00 in the evening. Bonnie Swanson was just cleaning up some of the dishes from dinner, Joe was watching _Grey's Anatomy _in the living room.

It had been a pretty typical day after watching _The Price is Right_ at the Griffin's house that afternoon. Joe had gone off to work at the station, Cleveland went to supervise at his deli, Quagmire had gone off to do his (cough)…errands. Brain, continued his job of watching over the kids, while she had went home and got some errands done around the house like dust the shelves, do the laundry and clean the pool etc:

A typical summer day in Quahog except for the whole town now knowing of Peter's fiasco on _The Price is Right_ which was still fresh in everyone's heads?

She was just finishing up the dishes when the phone rang in the kitchen.

"I'll get it" she called out to her husband, who was too deep into the show to hear the ringing.

"Hello, Swanson residence."

**Los Angeles / Quahog **_spilt screen_

"Bonnie."

"Lois…Lois how are you."

"Pretty good Bonnie, where just getting everything ready to head to the airport tomorrow."

"Yeah, everyone saw you two on the show, man I am SO jealous..."

"Oh yeah it...it was a great time." Lois tried I hide her anxiety about Peter's little incident.

"So how bad was it, you know…Los Angeles."

"Not too bad Bonnie, the main thing is to say away from the bad areas."

_Flashback__---_

_**The Los Angeles Freeway System**_

_Peter and Lois are driving on the (Long Beach Freeway, Interstate 710) toward Long Beach._

_Lois – (Nervous) "Peter are you sure are should be going this way?"_

_Peter – "Yes Lois, there is no way I was going to sit in downtown L.A. traffic for hours on end."_

_Go past freeway sign, Compton Blvd one mile._

_Peter – "Oh, here we go we can just go through Compton, go past LAX and head up towards Santa Monica, hmmm, Good that'll save us a few minutes."_

_Peter takes the Compton exit. The smooth freeway turns into a pothole crack-ridden piece of junk. Peter's hits particularly large pothole and loses the map which falls under his feet._

_Peter – "Aw crap, Lois can you take the wheel for a second?"_

_The moment the car exits the off ramp bullets start flying and going through the cars windows and ricocheting off the car body. _

_Lois is absolutely terrified and serves around erratically desperately trying not to get shot while keeping control of the car as Peter has his head below the wheel trying to find the map and doesn't notice what's going on above him._

_Peter – "Ok… where are you, you bastard."_

_Lois continues driving as fast as she can through Compton flying through traffic lights and avoiding gang cars which are now shooting sub machine guns at the Griffin's car. Peter is still trying to find the map below the wheel._

_Peter – "where are you son of a bitch?"_

_Finally, Lois sees a sign San Diego Freeway, Interstate 405 next left She rockets past some gang cars and takes the onramp exit. Meanwhile, a group of five gang cars in hot pursuit try to pursue the Griffins car and take the exit. They all try to take the exit together at the same time. They collide and crash in a massive fireball at the foot of the onramp._

_The Griffin's car leaves the onramp and enters the freeway. It looks like it's gone through a war zone; all the windows are shattered and the car body is riddled with bullet impacts and smoke is coming from the hood, only the tires are still in good condition…_

_Peter - "AHA! There you are!"_

_Peter grabs the map; raises his head and takes control of the wheel again. Poor Lois is a mess! Her hairs tangled and sweaty, her shirts torn and has a few red spots where various bullets have grazed her. She slumps back in the seat and pants heavily._

_Peter – "Hey, thanks for that Lois."_

_Peter notices Lois panting and beat up in the passenger seat._

_Peter – "Whoa, this trips really taken it out you, huh honey?"_

_Lois doesn't respond; she faints due to the stress._

_Peter notices the smoke coming from the hood._

_Peter – "Uh-oh, Looks like cars getting pretty beat up too."_

_The engine sputters_

_---_

**Los Angeles / Quahog **_spilt screen_

"Uhh…hey Bonnie…is…is…Joe in the house? Lois asked quietly.

"Yes, oh…is this about Peter's little disaster on the show?" Bonnie replied softly.

"Yes…Peter doesn't want Joe and the guys to know about it."

Now Joe was pretty involved in this evening's episode of _Grey's Anatomy_ but he was still quietly listening to Bonnie and Lois's conversation; when he heard Peter's name he was taken out of his TV trace.

"Hey, you talking to Lois, Bonnie?...Put Peter on for a second" he called out.

Back in LA Peter heard Joe's normally loud voice in the background.

"Oh-No! No No! NO!...I don't want to talk to him!" Peter voiced out.

Joe rolled into the kitchen and took the phone from his wife.

"Hey Peter!...The whole town saw your little stunt!" Joe said, quietly snickering to himself.

"I don't want to talk now JOE!" Peter yelled over to Lois who was holding the hotel phone.

Joe didn't listen…"Yeah, Peter what you did was SO stupid!; that they're was even a special on the channel 5 news about it hosted by Mayor West."

_Flashback__---_

_**Quahog Channel 5 News Studio**_

_Mayor Adam West is addressing the citizens of Quahog on the Quahog channel 5 news._

_Mayor Adam West – "My fellow Quahogian's… this is a day that will live in infamy… Today,…my one-eyed cat Bootsy pooped in my bed…I had to take my sheets to the local drycleaners…but the stain didn't come out."…(Quietly)…"It didn't come out…"_

_(3 second slience)… _

_Mayor Adam West - "Back to you Tom and Dianne."_

_Camera goes back to Tom and Dianne behind the news desk who both got a rather disturbed look on their face; However, they regain their composure._

_Tom Tucker – "C-coming up, Oprah hits 600 pounds, how much is that in human weight; well find out after this…"_

_---_

**Quahog**

" Joe!...Peter said he didn't want to talk," Bonnie reprimand as she took the phone away from her husband."

"Bonnie, you don't understand guy protocol; when someone messes up you heckle them for weeks, like that time Quagmire had that problem…"

Pause

"Uh, honey we already used that flashback."

"Oh… Sorry, I was to busy watching my show,…oh which I'm…missing…right…now."

Joe rolls back into the living room and resumes watching _Grey's Anatomy_. While Bonnie resumes her conversation with Lois.

**Los Angeles / Quahog **_spilt screen_

"Sorry about that Lois…Anyhow, when do you expect to be back?" Bonnie replied.

"Well, where heading to LAX tomorrow around eleven, I believe where be back in town around seven tomorrow evening."

"Ok…I'll go over and tell Brian."

"When you get back you've got to tell me all about it."

"Oh don't worry…Bonnie…there's…there's plenty to tell."

"Okay, I'll see you then."

**Los Angeles**

And with that Lois and Bonnie hung up. Bonnie finished up the dishes and Lois went and got some bandages and gausses; it was time to change Peter.

"Okay…Peter time to change your bandages."

And so, Peter let Lois change him. "Man, when we get home, the guys are never going to shut up about this." Peter thought to himself as Lois applied baby power and put the new bandage/diapers on.

As finished up the only though that could come to Peter mind was, "Stupid Mimi."

_End of Chap 2_


	3. The Griffin Family Vacation

**Chapter 3 The Griffin Family Vacation**

**The Drunken Clam**

Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland and Joe are relaxing at the clam having a few brewskis and watching a little something on the TV. Peter thought it was good to get back to his old lazy routine even if what they where watching was horrible to infinity!

_The TV__---_

_Announcer – "We now return to Rosie O Donnell eating in front of small children."_

_**A Preschool**_

_A morbidly obese Rosie O Donnell is at table covered with food, gorging herself. Sitting at the table are eight young preschoolers watching in horror as the beast chows down on food. (It) stops… then eyes the tasty little children._

_(The Thing) Rosie – "Come here I'M GONNA EAT YA ALL ALIVE!!!"_

_The kids scream in terror at (it) lunges at them._

_---_

**The Drunken Clam**

"Oh these reality shows are ridiculous," Cleveland declared.

"Yeah, I mean, what's the plot, I don't want to look at Rosie O Donnell, she's nasty. All big, fat, and hairy (_shudder_) gross," Quagmire replied.

"Yeah Peter you'd be all too familiar with that now wouldn't you?" Joe said, trying hard to not start laughing.

Peter got the insult, "Oh don't bring that up again!"

The guys, except for Peter, started laughing like a bunch of crazed idiots. Quagmire was the first one to clam down but he was still chuckling.

"Yeah and the music was still playing while Mimi was kicking your ass!"

"Yeah, I forgot about that," Cleveland replied. "That was funny."

"Bah bump bump bah! POW! POW! Bah bump bump bah POW! POW! Ba ba ba dat da da dat da da dat da da dad.. a dum!"

Joe insulting sang the Price is Right theme before bursting out in laughter. Quagmire and Cleveland once again lost again as well.

Peter was not at amused…

"Knock it of off all ready you've been annoying with that since we came home."

(_Peter to the audience_) "Yeah where gonna need a long cut scene for this one."

Joe started singing the theme again and Quagmire and Cleveland joined in as well.

Peter was annoyed, "Just roll the damn scene already."

_**The Griffin's driveway**_

"Peter, you're going to have to come out of that car sometime," Lois exclaimed.

It had been over an hour since they had gotten home. The sun was now starting to set and yet, Peter still refused to get out of the car. All the Griffin's friends and family were standing around the drive way wondering why Peter was making such a fit.

"Peter are you, going to live in the car until your injury heals?" Lois asked.

"Yes, Lois I am gonna stay right here… for food, I'll eat the leather seats and water I'll drink the cars antifreeze, that has water in it?"

"WHAT?! PETER! Get out of the car already!" ordered Joe. "We all know what happened to you on the show."

"I know… and I also know that you will likely not shut up about it."

"Peter, we won't laugh; it's old and in the past. There's no reason for us to laugh," Quagmire commented.

"You'll laugh I just know it."

"We won't laugh Peter," Cleveland said. "Right guys?"

Quagmire and Joe both worded in agreement.

"I don't trust you!" Peter quickly retorted.

"Stewie put in his two piece, "Oh come on Peter it's this won't be the first time you've looked like a fool?"

_Flashback__---_

**The Griffin's living room**

_Stewie is standing in front of the Griffin's living room TV cabinet._

_Stewie – "Hi there Stewart Gilligan Griffin here, I'm sorry to interrupt the story, but it seems that we came into a bit of a snag when it came to this flashback."_

"_It's actually my fault really. You see the hook line I said for this flashback was far too generic."_

"_Our editors thus had a hard time finding a proper flashback to play."_

"_So in order to fix this little affair, I've decided to go into my vault of the fat man's escapades and find a proper clip."_

_Stewie open up the Griffin's TV cabinet and the camera goes down the collection of DVD's as Stewie is searching._

_The DVD's are:_

"_The Fat Man, Volumes 1-5"_

"_The way's I wish to kill Lois, Volumes 1-8"_

"_Footage to blackmail the fat man with"_

"_Chris blackmail footage"_

"_Footage to blackmail Meg"_

"_Teletubbies - It's Tubby Time"_

"_Footage to blackmail the drunken idiots with."_

"_Sesame Street – Bret and Ernie's BIG adventure!"_

"_Hitler the Life of a Tyrant – History Channel Documentary"_

"_Sexy Stewie Tape"_

"_The Fat Man Volumes 6-10"_

"_Death to Lois" by Stewart Gilligan Griffin_

"_Vile Woman" by Stewart Gilligan Griffin_

"_Footage to blackmail the dog with"_

"_Dora The Explorer – Swiper's closet adventure"_

"_The ways I wish to kill Lois, Volumes 9-16"_

"_The ways I wish to kill Lois Volumes 17-25"_

"_The Fat Man Volumes 11-16"_

"_Ah here we are The Fat Man Volumes 11-16."_

_Stewie takes the disk and puts it in the Griffin's DVD player, the DVD starts and Stewie starts searching for a proper clip._

"_You see the fat man's has pulled so many stupid things over the years that I actually decided to start recording them."_

_Stewie continues searching the DVD_

"_Ah here we are, I think this flashback fits the current scenes atmosphere, enjoy simpletons…_

_The camera goes to the TV._

_The TV__---_

**A Fancy Restaurant**

_Lois and Peter are at a fancy restaurant and Peter is reaching over at other group of dinners' table._

_Peter – "I… can't… reach… my…food… Lois"_

_Lois – (Quietly) "Peter, knock it off, that somebody else's food ours hasn't come out yet..."_

_Peter ignores Lois and continues reaching over._

"_almost… there…"_

_He reaches over too far… falls over and crashes into the couples table sending the table over and launching the food, a plate of hot meatloaf straight at Lois._

_(SPLAT!)_

_Lois – "AHHH!!!"_

_The dinners are not amused_

_Diner – WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU!_

_Peter grabs the splattered meatloaf pan._

_Peter – 'My food!"_

_Peter then runs away with the meatloaf, or what's left of it…_

_The DVD pauses_

_**The Griffin's living room**_

_The camera zooms out to show Stewie glaring at Peter on the TV._

_Stewie – "Idiot!... however, I did like that one scene, yes, yes lets watch that one again shall we."_

_Stewie rewinds the DVD to the scene were Lois was hit with the hot meatloaf. He then watches it, rewinds it, watches it, rewinds it and watches it again._

"_Ha ha, yeah that meatloaf got you good huh bitch?"_

_Brian then walks into the living room_

_Brian - "Stewie?"_

_Stewie – "Oh why hello… Brian."_

_Brian – "What are you doing?"_

_Stewie – "I was just finding a proper flashback for one of the stories flashbacks._

_Brian – "Well, you know we need get back to the story."_

_Stewie – "Alright, but first I need to tell our viewers now they can get their own copies of "The Fat Man" on DVD."_

_Brian – "What?"_

_Stewie – "That's right, all you have to do is go to __.com__. Here you can find all the volumes of "The Fat Man." Plus, today only… I am giving you them at a discounted price. That's right if you go to __.com__ right now and buy "The Fat Man Volumes 1-5" I'll give you "Volumes 6-10" at 20% off."_

_Brian sips his cocktail._

_Brian – "Are you done yet?"_

_Stewie – "SHUT UP!! STUPID DOG!!"_

"_Sorry about that folks, Like I said I'll give it to you at 20% off. But I'm not done yet? If two buy "The Vile Woman" on blueray, I'll include "The ways I wish to kill Lois" at 50% off"_

_While Stewie is blathering Brian is looking through Stewie's DVD collection, Suddenly he sees something he don't like._

_Brian – "HEY! …WAIT A MINUTE! What is "Footage to blackmail the Dog with?"_

_Stewie – (Nervous) Anyhow that's __.com__ again that's __.com_

_Brian – "This infomercial over folks."_

_Brian covers the camera with his hand._

---

**The Griffin's driveway**

"Peter get out of the car!" Lois was starting to get irritated.

"I don't have to listen to you Lois!"

"Oh for crying out loud Peter what ever you're hiding can't be that bad?" Joe barked out.

"Yeah we all said we wouldn't laugh," Quagmire quoted.

"and we won't," Cleveland added.

"I STILL don't trust you!" Peter declared.

Lois had had enough, "That's it Peter you are coming out of this car RIGHT NOW!"

She grabbed her husband by the torso and pulled with all her might. Peter grabbed hold of the frame of the car and held on for dear life. The Spooner St. gang wondered what was so horrible that Peter would act this way?

They where about to find out…

With a flop, Peter flew out of the car and landed on top of Meg. While, Meg cried out to her dad to get off her. The guys starting laughing like a bunch of wild hyena's. Joe laughed so much that he fell out of his wheelchair, but continues laughing, the guys' laughter echoes in Peter's head as the scene goes back to the present at the clam.

**The Drunken Clam**

"Will you guy's knock it off, already it's NOT that funny, I mean Quagmire worn diapers before."

At hearing this Cleveland and Joe look at Quagmire with a bewildered look on their faces.

"Hey… Don't look at me like that… some girls like it."

Peter continued; and Joe wears diapers all the time, "DON'T!! go there Peter." Joe scolded.

"I mean what's so DAMN funny about me getting injured on the Price is Right?"

Cleveland answered first, "Oh Peter it's not the injury that is humorous, it's the fecal stain that

was seeping through your drawers."

"Fecal? What? I have a cat shoved up my ass?"

"No, no, no fecal as in poop," Quagmire explained.

"Huh?"

"You got s$%t stains Peter," Joe remarked.

"Oh… I crapped myself; huh… oh that explains why Stewie got so upset today when I sat on his teddy bear."

_Flashback---_

**Stewie's Room**

_Stewie is sitting in the corner of his room rocking back and forth clutching Rupert, very tightly…_

_Stewie – "It's okay Rupert, It's Okay… the, the fat one's gone now." (Pause)_

"_WHAT THE HELL?!... YOU LIKED IT?!..."_

"_My word… you're sicker than I am."_

"_Well… why don't you and the fat man get a (BLEEP) HOTEL ROOM… "Or better yet, you can have a (BLEEP) ORGY! with FATASS, the RED HAIRED BITCH, MEG. (Stop ranting)_

"_Eww… I just grossed my self out."_

_---_

**The Griffin's**

Back home, Lois was going through the mail for the day and finds the parcel that has the tickets.

"Oh here they are… "Wow that was quick… it only took three days."

Brian was just walking up and was having his morning cocktail.

"So are those the tickets?" Brian commented.

"Yes they just come in, Oh this is so exciting, I mean I've haven't had a full paid vacation in years.

"Eh Disney World isn't really my cup of tea. I'm still amazed that Peter actually won that game."

"I know it's a miracle"

"Hmm I wouldn't say that…"

"Oh please you're not an atheist, no one buys it and might I add nobody wants to hear one-sided political crap on his show."

Stewie walked in and heard what Lois was talking about.

"Ohhhh Did I just hear what I thought I heard, Oh yes I did… the dog just got roasted!"

"I say nice job Lois."

Brian recovers from the insult pretty quickly. "OK… back to the story."

"Well Lois open it up and see what got to do already, I mean need to start packing and trust me I'm not a light traveler," Stewie politely demand.

Lois opens the parcel and reads the letter enclosed.

**---**

"_Congratulations!!! (Insert Name Here:) PETER on your spectacular win on our show. enclosed _

_inside are tickets for your trip to (Insert Trip Here :) WALT DISNEY WORLD RESORT. You are allowed to take (Insert # of Family Members Here :) 5 members of your family._

_Have a Great time!"_

_Sincerely, Kathy Greco, TPIR Executive Producer_

_(Signature)_

_Note:Your Item up for bid prize will arrive momentarily._

_Note #1 Actually we don't know Item's up for bid prizes are delivered through UPS and they a had stock in Bear Sterns as well as Merrill Lynch which went under recently so the prize may not arrive, If that's the case contact CBS._

_Note # 2 Merrill Lynch didn't go under. they where bought out my Bank of America. They're actually doing well and I suggest putting your future 401k's in a trust fund with them._

_Note #3 Be sure to watch Christine and Survivor Gabon this fall._

_---_

"Well I guess this is it," Lois declared.

"Does it have the tickets?" asked Brian.

"Oh yes right here." Lois finds the tickets inside the parcel and commences counting them up. ."One, two, three, four, five... Let's see here, one for me, Peter, Chris, Stewie, you."

"Um no thanks Lois… I really don't want to go."

"Aw come on Brian, were a family, besides don't you want to go to the Epcot and the nations of the world exhibit."

"Eh I had a friend from Vienna go there; he said it wasn't that great, at the German pavilion he said they served old Heinekens and charged 20$ each for them. Besides, there are only five tickets… I can't go anyways."

"I guess you're right… are you going to just stay home then?"

"No… I think I may drive down to New York. I heard a new version of _Carmen_ is playing. The acting is said rather mediocre but from what I've heard the orchestra is supposed to be truly phenomenal."

"Anyhow I'm sure you guys will have fun."

"Alright, just hope Peter behaves himself and doesn't embarrass us like the last time we went to a theme park."

Flashback---

**A highway out of Florida**

_The Griffin's are driving home and the whole family is mad at Peter, especially Lois, who's driving._

_Peter – (defensive) "I'm sorry Lois; I swear thought those were the urinals…"_

_Lois doesn't respond, instead the looks over and glares at Peter._

_Peter- "I mean, they looked like urinals?... They smelled like urinals?"_

_Lois - "PETER THOSE WHERE THE TRASH CANS!!"_

_Stewie – "What did you bloody expect Lois?! Bringing the fat man to Busch Gardens!"_

_Chris – "Hey dad didn't you make the same mistake at Sea World?"_

_Peter- …"Um yes son..."_

_Chris- "Are you banned now, just like Sea World?"_

_Peter – …"Ah Yes son..."_

_---_

_End of Chap 3_


	4. Left Behind

**Chapter 4 - Left Behind**

**Meg's Bedroom**

"Hmm… which shirt should I take, hmm… the pink one with the white stripe or the white one with the pink stripe?" Meg Griffin pondered to herself.

Even though they weren't due to leave for another three days, Meg was unsure if she'd have all her packing done before then. She still had to go through at least another two suitcases before she'd be done. What was dragging her behind was that it always took forever for her to finally choose on the right outfits. In fact, she had been debating to herself on this one for at least an hour or so.

"I guess I'll go with this one."

She stuffed the white and pink stripped shirt into the already overloaded suitcase.

She then oddly glared at the shirt in the suitcase. "Then again that one always makes me look fat! And I know those rides take pictures of you during the ride... I have no desire to look like a fat heffer."

She proceeded, to toss the white and pink shirt out of the suitcase.... back to square one.

Her attention was suddenly broken, as Chris barged into her room.

"MEG! I got a problem?"

"Yes it called being in my room, Chris GET OUT!"

Chris ignored his sister's scolding and asked his question. "Meg, how do you get stuff into these little bottles?"

"He showed the small bottles which were covered in sticky teal goo."

"Yuck! Chris, is that shampoo?"

"Yes… I was trying to get the shampoo out of the big bottle in the bathroom into one of these smaller bottles?"

"Huh?... Why?"

"Well because you can't bring normal toiletries on an airplane. Since, they could now be used to hide terrorist bombs or weapons on a jet liner. Also, the mandate is even higher due to the election of Barrack Obama, which has sent the homeland security advisory system to level orange... I'm just trying to be on the safe side."

Meg starred at her younger brother in disbelief.

"Chris how can you know stuff like that?"

"Well I do watch _World News Tonight_…"

"No, I mean how to understand… stuff like that?"

Chris was immediately insulted, "Meg, I am not dumb!"

"Chris, last week you forgot what the flusher does."

_Flashback---_

_**The Griffin's Bathroom**_

_The Griffins are in their bathroom. Lois is holding Stewie and Brian and Meg are standing beside Lois. Peter and Chris are in the doorway of the bathroom… cowering in fear!_

_Lois – "Now Chris we've gone over this how many times… The flusher flushes the toilet."_

_Lois notices Peter cowering._

_Lois – "Peter, you come in here too; you need to finally learn this as well…"_

_Peter – "Oh no Lois, I'm not going anywhere near that evil crapper!"_

_Stewie – "For once fat man I have to agree with you, I… (Glares at toilet) I don't like that thing either."_

_Peter – "Lois, if I flush it. I'll be pulled into an alternate dimension full of Amish people… I don't wanna be Amish… Black clothes are itchy!"_

_Lois – "What!? Peter who the hell told you that nonsense!?"_

_Brian gives a guilty chuckle_

_Brian – Um heh, heh, I'm sorry Lois, I had a few too many last night."_

_Lois glares at Brian._

_Lois – "Now Chris, why don't you come over here and try..."_

_Chris – "Are… are you sure that the Amish aren't going to pull me into toilet."_

_Brain answers before Lois can speak._

_Brian – "No Chris… I made that all up to scare Peter."_

_Chris then hesitantly walks in to the bathroom._

_Lois – "Good, honey now give it a flush."_

_Chris – "Meg if I don't live through this, I want you to have my scab collection."_

_Meg – "Eww!? No way!... Gross!!"_

_Chris ignores Meg's insult and cautiously reaches for the flusher; he then flushes the toilet and recoils in fear to the noise._

_Chris – "AHH!! AHH!! AMISH!!" _

_Lois – "No! no! no! Chris you did it!"_

_Chris – "I did… YAY!! I FLUSHED THE TOILET!!"_

_Stewie – (Sarcastic) "Oh YAY… good for you dumb dumb!"_

_Peter is annoyed._

_Peter - "Wait a minute… why didn't the Amish come out and take him away?"_

_Brian – "Peter didn't you hear what I just said, I make the whole thing up about the Amish and the toilet."_

_Peter – (Insulted) "Really?"_

_Peter carelessly barges through the crowd in the bathroom to the toilet. He then forcefully flushes the toilet. He recoils in fear only to discover nothing's happening._

_Peter – "Huh, I guess there are no Amish in the AHH!!"_

_Peter is sucked head first into the toilet, his large ass gets stuck for a second before he is completely sucked in. Everyone stares in disbelief._

_Stewie – "Wow… I really didn't expect that."_

_**An Amish Farm**_

_Peter falls into the farm's barn, there two Amish men are standing._

_Amish Farmer #1 – "Ah, there you are Brother Peter."_

_Amish Farmer #2 – "Aye yes there's work to be done."_

_Amish Farmer #1 – "Ah yes, time for the barn raising."_

_Peter – "AAHHHH!!"_

_---_

**The Griffin's Kitchen**

"I say the baby is getting hungry… move it you curr!" Stewie snapped at Lois.

"Alright honey, mommy will have your food ready in just a minute," Lois lovingly replied to the irritable infant.

Just as Lois was putting Stewie's dinner in the microwave, a wearily Peter came in from the kitchen's back door. He took a seat sat in a chair across from Stewie's high chair.

"Evening honey," Lois remarked, "You're home kind of early?"

Peter was not in the greatest of moods, "Yes, I got sick of listening to the guys insulting me. Man… If I have to listen to "_The Price is Right_ theme one more time!..."

Out of the blue _The Price is Right theme_ started playing; Peter got immediately irritated then looked over to see Stewie holding a small MP3 player.

"Oh yes, sorry fat man I just couldn't resist."

Lois was still busy cooking Stewie's dinner; a delicious concoction of turkey mashed green beans and peas, "Well Peter have you ever thought that this may be a little friendly revenge on you."

"Friendly revenge?" Peter asked puzzled.

"DAMN YOU LOIS! MOVE IT! I'M HUNGRY!" Stewie abruptly spat out.

"Stewie… it's not nice to interrupt when someone else is talking," Lois politely scolded. "Yes Peter friendly revenge."

"How dare you interrupt me woman! Well then… if my food is not on my plate in 10 seconds I shall be forced to destroy you!... One!"

"I mean, you've done a lot of embarrassing things to the guys for the years, maybe they're just getting back at you a little."

"Two!"

"When have I embarrassed the guys?"

Stewie, took a short glare at Peter before, procuring a wooden stick out of nowhere, he then smacked Peter over the head with it.

WHACK!

Oww!!!, Peter yelped.

"You deserved that fat man, I am not going into the vault to look for a flashback, for that blatantly! generic! hook line!!"

"Stewie! Bad boy! We don't hit other people at the table," Lois scolded.

"Never mind this Lois, you've got your own fate to worry about, oh yes and by the way … Three!"

"Don't worry Peter they'll stop soon enough, just give it some time, besides you won't have to think about them when where on our trip."

"Oh yes you're right Lois! Boy I am so looking forward to this."

"I know we all can sure use this vacation?"

"Four!"

Just then Brian walked in from the living room the morning paper in his hand.

"Oh hello dog… come to watch me destroy Lois?"

Brian looked over at Stewie, "Yeah right, like that will ever happen."

Stewie glared at Brian as he opened his paper and started reading.

"One day, you shall pay for your insolence you flea bitten mutt!"

Brian ignored the insult.

"Oh boy Brian are you ready for our Disney trip?" Peter asked his friend.

Brian put down his paper for a second, "Um no Peter I'm not going," Brian replied.

"WHAT! WHY? It the happiest place on earth, well besides North Korea," Peter stated.

"Yes, I have to say I like that Kim Jong il, he sure knows how to run a country, that's for sure," Stewie added.

"Peter I'm not going to tell how wrong that statement is, it'd be far too much effort on my part, but no I'm not going."

Peter was rather dumbfounded, "WHY!!"

"Because there are so many other things that I'd rather do than have my wallet sucked dry Michael Isner."

"Uh What? Who?" Peter wondered.

"Wait a minute, where was on my death to Lois countdown? AHH! DAMN YOU FAT MAN AND DOG!! You've made me lose my track of thought with your incessant! nonsensical! rambling!"

"He's the guy who runs Disney Peter," Lois answered.

"Ah now yes I remember… Lois!… Five!..."

"Brian, why are you skipping out on the chance to get free booze?"

"Six!"

"Peter, I already said I'm not… Free Booze? What… what… are you talking about Peter?" Brian was immediately intrigued.

"Seven!"

"Epcot is giving away free… booze!..."

"Really… Peter where did you hear this?"

"Eight!"

"I read about it on the Disney website."

"Fat Man… you used the internet!?... My god I'm not sure whether I should me amazed or terrified… NINE!"

"Yes Brian free booze… all this week!"

"Peter, are you sure of this?"

"TEN!! TIME TO DIE LOIS!!"

Just has Stewie was bringing out is ray gun, the microwave dinged and Lois went and took out Stewie's dinner, "Alright here's your food Stewie," She lovingly placed the tray on his high chair table.

"Well that's much better... You know better than to make me wait like that Lois, yes next time I won't be so forgiving..." He proceeded to chow down on his dinner.

"I got a print out right here, Brian." Peter handed Brian a flyer depicting, Mickey Mouse holding two large glasses of beer in front of spaceship earth at Epcot.

"Peter, I didn't know you could use the printer?" Lois asked in a surprised manner.

"Yeah… It's not too hard Lois," If something associated with alcohol Peter had the tendency to instantly become smart and knowledgeable.

Brian put on his reading glasses and proceeded to read the flyer, "Huh… Alcohol Appreciation Week, dozens of sprits from all around the world, German beers, Japanese Sakes, Jamaican Rums, Russian vodkas. Free all this week at the world showcase… Hmm… Well Peter I guess Disney World is the happiest place of earth after all… All right I'll go."

"SWEET! Man heh heh heh we are gonna get so wasted!"

"Peter! We are not going on this trip so you can get wasted! This is a family trip!"

"Aw Lois, don't ruin my happiness like that."

"You are NOT going to the World showcase to get sloshed, and that's final!... We'll go together when we visit Epcot."

Peter glared at Lois, before leaning over to whisper something into Brian's ear.

"Ignore the Lois… well just sneak out over there when she's not looking heh heh heh!"

"Peter, not the horse suit again, Brian said with a sigh."

"No, not that… I have another plan... I plan so smart it couldn't possibly… fail…"

"If you say so Peter," Brian declared.

Brian was still confused about one thing though, "Peter, one thing I can't get, why would Disney world have an alcohol appreciation week?... It specifically caters toward families and young children."

"Brian, if you haven't noticed Disney's been catering more to adults recently," Peter answered," remember that Donald Duck sex tape?"

_Flashback---_

_**A pitch black bedroom**_

"_Donald Duck is gettin it on!!! with another female Disney character."_

_Donald Duck – "_WAAAAAAAAGH!"

_Female Disney Character – "Ohh… you're a bad quacker..."_

_Donald Duck – "Damn wight I am. WaaaaaGGGHHH!!!"_

_Female Disney Character – "Ohh ohh OHH!!! OH! DONALD!!!"_

_Donald Duck – "WAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!"_

_Suddenly, the lights turn on revealing Donald and Minnie Mouse under the sheets of Mickey's mousse bed in Mickey mouse's bedroom. Mickey mouse stands dumbfounded in the doorway._

_Mickey Mouse – (Shocked) "Minnie? Donald? What are you doing in my bedroom."_

_Minnie Mouse – "Mickey, Please I can explain!!!"_

_Mickey Mouse – "Oh hoh that okay Minnie, I'm not mad… In fact this makes us even now."_

_Minnie Mouse – "Even?..."_

_Mickey Mouse – "Yeah, I've been cheating on you with Daisy for years now."_

_Minnie mouse has a shocked look on her face._

_Anyhow, I don't want to disturb you too, Oh I'll put Pluto out so you two can complete peace and privacy. Oh hoh have you two."_

_Mickey walks out and closes the door._

_Donald Duck – "Wow wat was wierd!"_

_Minnie Mouse – "Yeah…"_

_(Short pause)_

_Donald Duck – "Weady for wound two my big eared weauty?"_

_Minnie Mouse – "Oh… you betcha!!"_

_Minnie jump on Donald and the light one again go out._

_Minnie Mouse – "Ohh! OHH! OHHH!!"_

_Donald Duck – "WWAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!_

_---_

_**The Griffin's Kitchen **_

Unfortunately for Stewie he had been watching this incredibly gross and disturbing flashback. He immediately stops eating.

"Ahh ok that's gonna haunt me in my nightmares," Stewie commented.

"Yeah, that was really gross and wrong," Brian added… "Wait a minute I just thought of something… Lois how many tickets where there again?"

"Um five I believe," Lois answered.

"Uh, Well that's it… It can't go."

"WHAT WHY?!" Peter exclaimed.

"Well Peter there's not enough ticket for all of us."

"What do you mean?" Peter declared.

"There are six members in this family everyone can't go."

"That's no problem Brian, all we have to do is leave someone home."

"Wow… Peter, that is really low," Brian retorted.

"True, but you do want free booze right?"

"Yeah."

"Alright it's decided, now who do we leave? Lois who do you think?"

Now Lois had been quietly listening in to Peter and Brian's conversation as she was cleaning up the kitchen and she was disgusted by it! "Peter this is sickening!… I can't believe you are even suggesting leaving some one at home!"

"It's necessity Lois, Brian wants to go now."

"Well If I had to choose it'd have to me Meg," Lois stated.

"Yes It would be nice to have a holiday away from frumpy," Stewie exclaimed.

"Same here… Meg," Peter replied, "Brian?"

"Brian sighed, "Man I hate myself for doing this… um… Meg…"

"Alright it's official Meg's not going."

"So dog… how does it feel to like to be a total douche?" Stewie abrasively taunted.

"Why do I need to tell you… you're an expert at it," Brain snapped back.

Stewie didn't say word, is piercing glare at Brian spoke volumes.

"You know you two, somebody going to have to tell her, and it is not going to be me!" Brian harshly informed Lois and Peter.

"Oh crap yeah I didn't think about that," Peter mumbled.

Brian grabbed his paper and prepared to walk into the living room and wallow in his guilt, "Well have fun you two," Brian mocked, "This will be a bigger disaster than when Rosanne Barr sailed on the Queen Mary 2."

_**An ocean liner dock in New York**_

_The Queen Mary 2 is preparing for a routine crossing of the Atlantic to Southampton, England._

_**The Queen Mary 2's Bridge**_

_The first officer walks over to the captain._

_First Officer – "The Barr woman is coming aboard sir."_

_Captain – (Horrified) "My God… DRAIN ALL BALLAST ON THE PORT SIDE!"_

_First Officer – "Yes sir."_

_**The Queen Mary 2's dock**_

_An extremely! obese Roseanne Barr boards the Queen Mary 2 on her port side; the massive vessel immediately lists severely to port. _

_**The Queen Mary's 2 Bridge**_

_The bridge is now at a massive list to port, and captain is yelling to the bridge's telephone._

_Captain – "REGAIN STABILITY! MOVE IT TO THE CENTER!_

_**The Queen Mary 2's dock**_

_The QM2 starts to recover from the dangerous list to the right._

_**The Queen Mary's 2 Bridge**_

_The captain is regaining is composure after the dangerous boarding of Roseanne Barr._

_Captain – "Well I'm glad that agenda is over with."_

_The ships phone goes off. The captain goes and picks it up._

_Captain – "Yes?... WHAT!! SHE'S HEADED TO THE GALLEY ON THE STARBOARD SIDE!! YOU MUST STOP HER AT ALL COSTS!!" _

_The bridge deck begins to list._

_**The Queen Mary 2's Dock**_

_The Queen Mary 2 continues to list to port, _

_[Dramatic music begins to play - "Hard A Starboard" from the Titanic 1997 soundtrack]_

_**The Queen Mary 2's Bridge**_

_The captain is yelling to the ship's telephone as the list goes past the point-of-no-return!_

_Captain – "REGAIN BALLAST CONTROL, DRAIN THE TANKS ON THE STARBOARD SIDE, DRAIN THE TANKS ON THE STARBOARD AHHHH!!!"_

_The Captain falls and sides down the bridge deck toward the starboard side._

_**The Queen Mary 2's Dock**_

_The Queen Mary 2 commences capsizing, (Poseidon 2006 - Style)_

_The entire starboard side submerges underwater._

_**The Queen Mary 2's Bridge**_

_Water bursts through the bridge windows as the ship capsizes _

_Captain – "AHHHHH!!"_

_First Officer – "AAAHHHHH!!"_

_**The Queen Mary 2's Dock**_

_The water washes over the QM2's Cunard line colored funnel and a washes the ships sundeck._

_The words "Queen Mary 2 Southampton" on her stern submerge underwater as the massive liner completely capsizes._

_Soon her massive rust red bottom is above the water, her four propeller pods completely out of the water._

_Two workers on the dock watch the whole disaster._

_Worker #1 "See… this is why they don't allow cows on ocean liners…"_

_---_

_End of Chap 4_


End file.
